im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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