Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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