Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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