we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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