ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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