That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I still have a little drunk in my system
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
