did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
