At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
