Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
