i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
