my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
