So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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