can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
