I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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