Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
