i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
