I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
