Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
