He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
