Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
