I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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