Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
