Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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