Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i will never coherently bang her
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
