I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
