and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
