Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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