Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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