I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
