I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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