we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
