K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
