I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
