Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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