So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You have to summon your inner elephant
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
