i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
