You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
