If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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