You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
