So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
