i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
