I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
