NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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