she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
