before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
