Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
