I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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