did you get engaged???
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
