He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
