It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
