My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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