dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up under a house in Key West
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
