sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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