I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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