none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
