She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
